[Steven stares down at the screen for a long, long time.]
Fuck
I. Fuck. God, Tyler.
I'm so sorry.
I don't. I don't know what to do. Solus... we can't allow him to keep doing this to us. But I don't know how to make him stop without risking making him worse.
He terrifies me too. I just. I guess I cover it up a little with fury. And he does infuriate me, don't get me wrong, and part of what makes me so angry is how scared I am every time he gets near me, but
Fuck, Tyler, I don't know.
God, I'm so sorry you had to learn to think that way.
Leave him to me, okay? If one of us has to take his attention from the other, it should be me. I had the easier Durance. And honestly, I'm *naturally* a psychotic mess. We both know that. I pull the Nice Steven persona around me as a goddamn shield, but it's not--
It feels like it's barely holding up with Solus anyway.
I'm okay with sacrificing it to distract his attention. Might as well go the full psychopath with him. It'll be more *entertaining* after all and if he tries to expose it to the world, well. I'll live.
Most of the people who're actually important to me know, anyway, or probably at least suspect. I'll-- figure out how to deal with Connie knowing when it's time. Armin... well. As much as I dote on him, I've always known that someday he'll understand enough to rightly cast me off. I can be sad that it happened so soon, but.
no subject
Fuck
I. Fuck. God, Tyler.
I'm so sorry.
I don't. I don't know what to do. Solus... we can't allow him to keep doing this to us. But I don't know how to make him stop without risking making him worse.
He terrifies me too. I just. I guess I cover it up a little with fury. And he does infuriate me, don't get me wrong, and part of what makes me so angry is how scared I am every time he gets near me, but
Fuck, Tyler, I don't know.
God, I'm so sorry you had to learn to think that way.
Leave him to me, okay? If one of us has to take his attention from the other, it should be me. I had the easier Durance. And honestly, I'm *naturally* a psychotic mess. We both know that. I pull the Nice Steven persona around me as a goddamn shield, but it's not--
It feels like it's barely holding up with Solus anyway.
I'm okay with sacrificing it to distract his attention. Might as well go the full psychopath with him. It'll be more *entertaining* after all and if he tries to expose it to the world, well. I'll live.
Most of the people who're actually important to me know, anyway, or probably at least suspect. I'll-- figure out how to deal with Connie knowing when it's time. Armin... well. As much as I dote on him, I've always known that someday he'll understand enough to rightly cast me off. I can be sad that it happened so soon, but.
Better that than... this.