Tyler Tian Huang | 黄泰勒田 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
asmywitness) wrote2020-03-03 05:40 pm
asmywitness) wrote2020-03-03 05:40 pmEntry tags:
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[[Tyler screens his calls - anyone who tries to actually call him, he'll text back in reply.]]
asmywitness) wrote2020-03-03 05:40 pm
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Slowly, he shakes his head, looking a touch disappointed, but nothing horribly judgmental. Idly he wonders if he can truly get this through to Tyler, or if he will be like other mortals and fail to see the bigger picture.]
What I seek is not unattainable, for it was the very world I had once lived in. I know for an absolute fact such a reality can and has existed, viewed thus it can once more.
[His movements are slow and very deliberate, like someone speaking gently or cautiously. After all, he realizes his thoughts on the matter do clash greatly with the mortal view and understanding of the world, and this is a fragile thing. Little does he wish to break apart what has been barely been restored between he and Tyler. Something that will never quite be as good as it could have been if not for their terrible encounters in the first place...but better than it has been.]
I understand that what I seek to do seems cruel or unfair to mortals, and little would I do any of this if it were not necessary. However, in the grand scheme of things, beyond the individual deaths that might occur through each Rejoining me and mine invoke, one must truly look beyond that. Just as my people gave up seventy-five percent of their remaining lives so that a quarter could survive—for otherwise we would all perish—these deaths would ensure not only that further tragedy could not continue unabated...but that should there be rise of another crisis, that we would face true annihilation once more, it could be prevented.
As I stated, we still know not what caused our doom, and mortals are utterly incapable of even what our infants could achieve—I do not say this as a churlish insult, merely undeniable fact. With that in mind, we are no closer to figuring out the source of such an event, for all we could do ere the great sundering, was stop a symptom. Not the problem itself. Should reality continue as it is, all life could very well be eliminated.
The world, reality, all people left divided as they are cannot weather such a cataclysmic event, when they can barely survive the calamities we ascians bring in order to restore aught how it should be. For the momentary mass death we would have to cause, it would prevent further loss of life. It would bring far better security, far better preservation of life and existence as a whole.
no subject
I would like to clarify first that I do, objectively understand that sacrifice is necessary in order to force a path towards peace or success. That it is required for your methodology to function at its most effective. That I have no concept of a literal universe being forcibly divided in a manner that can only worsen over time, and that you do, with all apparent sincerity [no offense solus but] believe that your means are your only option.
These are the facts as you have presented them to me, and I can understand them logically.
This does not mean that I am able to comprehend them emotionally. Killing six people very nearly broke me completely - I cannot bring myself to think of doing it to more, to condemn entire countries, worlds, to death, without the threat of guilt utterly consuming me. Few with anything even remotely similar to my experience would be able to, and fewer still would agree out of hand.
The way you talk about mortals... [His hands slow a little; his turn to be cautious, now.] You are fond of us - you genuinely care about us, at times - but there's a sense of... detachment, when you do. You quite obviously don't see us as being anywhere near the same level as yourself, but you talk about us almost like animals. I know I may be misinterpreting, so I apologise, but it gives the impression you don't see us as fully sentient, in a way. It makes it... difficult, to therefore gauge how much of humanity's traits require explaining, but the topic at hand necessitates a reminder, here: mortals, quite literally, cannot comprehend the scale of death that you work on. The grief of a single death can lay most people low enough as is, but our minds, in every sense of the word, are not equipped to handle it. We grieve, we rage, we pretend it didn't happen, because if we were to genuinely understand something even remotely close to that level of loss, we would go completely mad. There is an irreconcilable chasm between heart and mind that we cannot bridge, for our own sanity. And the few that do are not considered 'well'.
[Tyler has, and he knows he has underlying PTSD he should probably be working on.]
no subject
[It isn't signed in any way that would seem short or angry. Still, he upholds that somber sincerity, even if he looks a little off-put by the implication that somehow he would grieve differently. Like he would feel less about any of this than a mortal could.
Mortals are a fraction of what he and his were, in all aspects. Every piece that makes someone an individual: strength, intelligence, emotion...all of that is a fraction of what a being like him is.]
Mortals are not special in this regard, for we immortals were never meant to suffer loss in the way you mortals are designed with your fragile lives. Our deaths were planned, chosen, naught abrupt about it, ere that crisis we had never faced tragedy. Furthermore, we view both the past and present as one whole—the scale in which we experience time is fair different than what one such as you would. Be it a hundred or a thousand years, I can recall it all as clearly as though it were mere moments ago. While I know the passing of time, eternal beings such as myself operate far differently in such regards.
[Which, if anything, says much and more about his current state of grief... Though, he also seems to be pointedly avoiding the topic of whether or not he cares about mortals. He knows he...sometimes has a lapse in judgment, allows himself to get attached when he shouldn't. Sometimes gets overly fond of them, when it's a foolish endeavor. When he knows, that even if they are not killed in the calamities, they will die regardless. It's only asking to get hurt, to suffer more loss.
Perhaps he has not succumb to his grief due to having to keep busy, due to the work he does all for his people. For Zodiark.]
However, I would not quite place you on the same level of beasts. Yet, you are not complete beings, nor can you live truly full lives. Well do I know the rules of my reality are not the rules of yours, but from what I have come to understand it is tragically equivalent. With this in mind, I find myself viewing the mortals of other worlds and those from mine much the same.
I am able to do what must needs be done with these facts in mind, for it is less that I am taking life, and more that I am restoring it. A fragmented soul might live a thousand lives, but so too will it die a thousand deaths—while a whole soul could live far longer, nigh endlessly, and their demise would be one of choice, not tragedy. One of satisfaction, not regret.
Far less grief, far less suffering. I do not expect you to be able to comprehend all of this within moments of its presentation to you, for it even took one such as I a great measure of time to make peace with it. But, that you can see the logic behind it, and objectively understand its necessity—such puts you well above most mortals.
no subject
...I apologise for my assumption. It's still hard reframing what... other immortals are capable of when I've only had the one, far less sympathetic example.
[It's honestly hard admitting he's not seeing things as objectively as he thinks he does, and this is a very exhausting conversation for it.]
If it's alright with you, I. May have to draw this conversation to a close. You've given me a lot to try and wrap my head around, that I need to come to terms with in a few ways. [He offers a small, uncertain smile.] I appreciate you taking the time to tell me all of it. I know it can't have been easy.
no subject
Tyler was right in that he's fond of mortals in his own way—but mainly he pities them, despite himself. Much the same with how he feels about Tyler, and the clear discomfort that he's feeling settles Solus a bit. Letting out a slow breath, he's able to calm himself. But that apology also helps to soothe his disappointment, and he gives a shallow nod.]
You are right, this is never easy, but neither is the constant misunderstandings. If I can yet find common ground, or at the very least understanding, to keep such at bay...then it's worth revisiting the ache.
[He gives Tyler his own smile, and if he remembers what Hythlodaeus said, he might note that the left corner of his mouth is the higher part to his otherwise crooked smile.]
You have my gratitude, thank you. Pray take care.
[And with that usual flamboyant wave of his—though it's far more languid and...tired, he cuts the feed.]