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[asmywitness]

[[Tyler screens his calls - anyone who tries to actually call him, he'll text back in reply.]]

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[asmywitness]

[Sorry not sorry, Hythlodaeus, but Tyler has no sympathy for your existential crisis about mortality. He's seen more death than you by a country mile.]

It seems less like sympathy and more like pity, from where I'm standing. [He's sick of getting into ethical debates with too-tall assholes, thanks Solus.]

It also seems like you've never had a moral dilemma in your life so far, so coming across them in typical mortal life is overwhelming for you. Mortals engage with them on a regular basis, so much that it becomes a force of habit to deal with them.

[hythlodaeus]

Oh I have had moral dilemmas. I dealt with them regularly, but the way they typically played out was thus: There was a conflict of interests, we went to the hall of rhetoric to talk it out with mediation, the mediator would hear our sides and offer his thoughts, and we would part either with changed or more resolute minds.

I cannot change my mind about aught that I have not heard enough of. I still have unanswered questions, but I will endeavor to leave well enough alone.

[He sighs, clearly stopping and thinking before he signs the next thing]

But perhaps you can help me with your perspective, as it has been weighing on me. I declined a position with my people's governing body. Because of this, Emet-Selch had to take up the mantle.

During our Final Days, when they made the call for the souls, and there was no time to think or debate. I could have given mine. But I did not. I knew that doing so would have left Emet-Selch bereft of companionship and left our people completely wanting should he have perished in the final days. Though in doing so, I allowed another to take my place.

This exception I made for myself... I still do not feel good about it. But it seems in that doing so I have been afforded a place by his side now to balance his temper and calm his soul.

[asmywitness]

Mortals don't have the liberty of a debate hall. Most of the time we're forced into snap decisions and have to live with the consequences. Active discussions such as this are only terribly frequent among friendship circles, not random strangers. Or at the very least, it's not appreciated from the latter, as it's rarely seen to be in good faith.

[Hint hint.

But he sighs, clearly annoyed, and continues signing to answer Hythlodaeus's dilemma.]

So you're guilting yourself about not being the one in Solus's place and... what, think that if you hadn't given the seat up, then somehow your apocalypse wouldn't have happened? That the choices you made are the direct cause of Solus's suffering?

[The petty answer is 'yes, you're a terrible person' and to hang up right now. But that was such a show of bad faith that he can't bring himself to. He's not that angry yet.]

You think your actions are a meaningful microcosm of the end-state of your world, and you harbour guilt for surviving it at all - though how much this world counts as surviving is highly debatable, when more than a few people come here from the dead. From hearing Solus's side of things, you might well be one of them, and simply haven't faced your own death yet.

[hythlodaeus]

Ah, I am lucky, then. To have such patient acquaintances that understand where I'm coming from.

[Yeah. He missed that one big time. He catches the annoyance, but, it doesn't seem to click fully in that big 'ol head.]

No, the apocalypse was unavoidable with what we knew. But I think Emet-Selch wouldn't have suffered so. And I do know that I have died already. I'm simply... trying not to leave Emet-Selch behind again.

[asmywitness]

[Tyler takes a moment to rub his face with one hand, and hopes that it's enough to hide how he's rolling his eyes.]

I don't see why you're trying to hold yourself accountable for Solus's suffering when you died for it in the end anyway.

[hythlodaeus]

[He sees the eyeroll, but he does not care. This is just how people interact with him, he's come to find.]

Is that how it is for mortals? Are you easily able to shake guilt and culpability? If I could have taken his place in his suffering, I would.

[asmywitness]

We learn to live with it. Use it as learning tools to prevent ourselves from making the same mistakes again. Write it down so future generations can learn about our follies, where we can. Guilt comes in many sizes and depths - we learn to live through smaller guilts so we can handle larger ones.

[hythlodaeus]

Larger ones.

[He just sort of repeats that bit back as he thinks about the rest of it. He did have quite the weighted conscience.]

I have much to think about. I should depart. Thank you, Tyler.

[asmywitness]

...alright. Take care.

[He's more than happy to close the video then. Talking with Hythlodaeus just makes his skin crawl; it's like dealing with Solus again, but less charming.]