asmywitness | IC Inbox

Teller's eyebrows raise in surprise at the sight of his son, then his eyes crinkle in a warm smile.

Tyler raises an eyebrow too - but just the one, as he stares at Steven.

I don't mind changing its mind - please, Steven, let's have some tact about this - but you realise if the Rotom's already registered to a trainer, you can't catch it? That's why we steal them.

Steven makes a face. "I didn't play Pokemon as a kid, Tyler. It didn't even exist until I was in high school and by then I was busy playing Magic the Gathering. But okay. That's fine. That makes sense. The point is, we need to convince it to stop fucking with me and run as far away from H— him as it can."

(Meanwhile, Mesmer is giving his father a one-armed hug.)

That wasn't intended as a stab at you not playing the games, he signs, with an edge of weariness. Never mind. Let's find this.

He just turns away from Steven and heads towards the door, where EVA is grinning from the safety light overhead, watching the Changelings eagerly.

Teller steps forward and picks up Mesmer from Steven's grip to hold his baby himself, but he does give Steven's shoulder a gentle pat as well, and a quiet "Hypno." before he nods towards the door as well.

"I know it wasn't," Steven says, straightening himself and brushing any roof dirt off his pants. "You know me, I turn into a complete bitch when I'm stressed and among friends." But he gives Teller a tired smile anyway. He and Mesmer are cute together.

(It pricks at that part of him that had been laid bare by the stupid conversation with Hades about his kids that he was lucky enough to have and had done dirty by denying. But that's his damage, not Teller and Mesmer's.)

Edited 2020-07-18 17:03 (UTC)

Tyler doesn't turn around; instead Isis turns to stare at Steven, and sends his tired-neutral I know.

And he'll take the lead inside, watching EVA spark through the systems, zipping busily from socket to switch to lights and back into the wires, glowing like a beacon the entire time.

I've got EVA searching for any other Rotom in the system, see if it can't flush them out, he explains telepathically, keeping one hand on the handrail as he moves down the stairs. If it belongs to Solus then EVA's going to have a distinct power advantage.

"He all but confirmed it when I confronted him about it on Tuesday," Steven says, doing much the same. "After Entrapta verified what had happened for me when we overnighted here on our way down to Azalea."

He's quiet for a moment before adding, "I guess maybe I was suspicious of everything with H— him because... well, I've been using Hythlodaeus for exposure therapy and I'm actually starting to like him."

Amazingly, Tyler doesn't seem surprised. Even if he bristles immediately at the other Amaurot's name. Teller just ignores him, as he grooms Mesmer's face with his snout.

And so you projected that onto me. Because you think I'll be suckered into Solus's point of view as easily as you are, because I have an even shorter temper, or something.

Mesmer makes a happy sound and attempts to return his father's favor.

"I mean, not for that reason," Steven protests. "But— if the things he says to you are anything like the things he says about you—"

He sighs. "Look. People like to be told they're good. Normal people. I... think I didn't mind it so much either once."

People like to be praised, and being told you're a good person is like fucking crack. Especially when you're inherently not one, because you take it to mean they don't see you as the shitbag you feel like. It's hard to portray tone through Isis's projections, but his body language sure suggests he's pissed.

His language makes Teller brush over Mesmer's ears in a pointed gesture as the Hypno snorts, in open derision, at Tyler's language.

Tyler doesn't look back, but he pauses mid-step for a moment. For the record, I don't recall that Solus has ever complimented me when it wasn't part of some higher scheme.

"Then why is he always talking you up to me—" Steven protests, stopping when Tyler does. He's very conscious that these are the very same stairs he threw Hades down.

"Oh," he says in a hollow voice. "Right. To fuck with my head. Even if he wasn't trying to specifically frighten me, that doesn't mean he wasn't and hasn't been trying to mess with my mind."

And so instead of thinking critically about why he might want to sing someome's praises, knowing he takes pleasure in getting a rise out of you, you decided I was the one at fault.

He stops again, both feet flat on the stairs, and audibly sighs, as he tilts his head back a fraction to stare at the ceiling for a few seconds. Before he turns and looks at Steven, and in the dim lights, made to flicker from EVA's surges of excitement, he looked tired and Wizened. One hand stands firm on the railing. I notice when you talk to me less, you know. Was there anything else, at all, that made you think I'm the one that's creating the distance here?

"I never said that—" Steven protests. But he stops on the stair. "I just—" He lets out a shaky breath. "You didn't like the real me," he says, finally. "The me I am now. You liked the guy you first met better and that's— he's me in a way, but he's the me for public consumption. You— you didn't throw me out of your apartment or anything, but."

He squeezes his eyes shut. "And Charley," he whispers. "Everything's a jumble from that weekend, but I remember saying something envious about my future self and her saying that I didn't need to become him, she liked this me anyway—I was so much more like the Steven she'd thought she lost forever. And that's— I might seem like him, but I'm not him. And Charley— she used to be able to know me and she doesn't now, not like she used to and—"

He draws in another breath, just as shaky. Grips the stair rail for dear life.

"I don't know where I'm going with this."

I told you, I am and will get used to it. Because this is who you are, and I still want you in my fucking life. And if I can't, then that's my problem.

He looks away when Steven remembers his future self.

I spoke with him too. I don't remember everything, which is... horrendously disconcerting for me. But I told him that Charley just came back to a world where everything is different and everyone she knew is gone. Your public face is her one constant in a changed world.

He looks back at Steven. You can't expect someone to adapt to drastic change overnight, we aren't designed for it. No one is. You just have to be patient. And have some fucking faith in them.

Edited 2020-07-18 19:37 (UTC)

Steven opens his eyes again. Given Tyler a tight little nod. "Sorry," he says, softly. "That's-- maybe not always my strong suit. You're right. I just-- I need to give you time. I'm-- glad. That you still want me in your life. You're really important to me, Tyler, just because-- well. Just because you're you. Which... maybe you know. Or otherwise I wouldn't keep trying every time you shut me down for being a complete and utter asshole."

Then he laughs, suddenly. "God, you must have hated him," he says. "For just-- being even more not the guy you met and not knowing you at all. Completely the opposite of me talking to his friend... friends?"

Tyler's hackles seem to finally lower a little, when Steven apologises and actually seems to understand why. He just sighs again, almost an amused huff, and lifts his hand off the rail so he can sign.

I like being friends with you, it's just shit like that that makes it difficult.

But he's got the ghost of a smile when he turns around to keep heading down, and Isis seems more relaxed as well when she continues messaging for him.

Your older self wouldn't stop using his game face on me, it was fucking surreal. And he just had this really smarmy vibe. I don't know if he was trying to use his Barrow-tender title as a threat or a point of reference.

"Of course he wouldn't," Steven says automatically as they continue downward. "You were a stranger. Even if he had some idea of you being my best friend, it's not always so easy with strangers to take off the small-m mask. And, well, you sort of... I mean, you don't always exude the air of being the most welcoming person ever? As far as his title... hell, I don't know. Could have been both. According to his friend that I talked to, he's a real rat bastard."

There's an odd note in his voice. Steven's not entirely used to people who aren't him using fond insults as a form of affection, the way Gil had. (It wasn't exactly a socially acceptable thing, in his experience, at least not in most normal American circles. Gil was also Australian, so maybe...)

"Is that an Australian thing?" he asks suddenly. "Talking shit affectionately? Maybe it was just a thing with him."

He opened his conversation with me by telling me you warned him about not pissing me off, he says, with a raised eyebrow glance back at Steven. So, you know. Not exactly setting me up for success there.

Tyler doesn't catch that note in Steven's voice at all; tonal nuance still escapes him, as well as he's otherwise doing with working on listening. And he's not fully paying attention, with his eyes on EVA and one hand on the railing, or he'd put more thought into the 'rat bastard' comment.

Because really, older Steven is.

Oh, yeah, it's a whole thing with measurable scales. 'Rat bastard' is pretty high affection, if they mean it as a compliment.

"I think it was? I mean, he was definitely fond of my future self. They were fucking as a friends with benefits thing, kind of like how you and Lydia started off, and I get the impression they'd been through some shit together. I'd asked him about, you know, what I was like, because even though Jack had said I should avoid learning about that shit, I was curious. I mean, you saw that fucking Autumn's Mantle on him. I've seen heavier, but those were on monarchs and high-rankers... I didn't even have a light Winter's Mantle before I came here--and you'd have thought I'd have had something with how long I spent closeted."

He automatically lowers his voice for the next question, assuming that Isis will be able to relay it even so.

"So. Uh. Where on the scale does 'murderous fucking cunt' fall?"

He says the word like he's not entirely sure he's allowed to say it. And given how easily and fluently he swears around Tyler, that's definitely notable.

Mostly he just lets Steven's words wash over him. When his volume lowers there's a pique of curiosity from Isis at the change, which gets his attention again - just in time to hear Steven say that.

And he can't stop an ugly snort at how precious Steven sounds saying it. He pauses to look back at Steven again with a broad grin.

Oh yeah. They're friends. I'd hazard best friends.

Steven grins back, looking slightly embarrassed. "Yeah. That's the vibe I got off them too. Um. If you ever want to, you know, do the Australian friend thing at me. You're definitely allowed to. It's-- weirdly nice. And, uh, if I'm allowed to do it back--?"

Tyler immediately cringes, but it's clearly in humour. I really hope you don't think blowjobs are a national symbol of friendship from Aussies.

Isis only projects the word - not that Tyler knows the correct pronunciation. He turns away again, watching the ground as he hops off the final step.

I get where you're coming from, but I'm not going to call you a cunt just because it makes you feel more like your ideal self. Because that's definitely how you framed that, it wasn't subtle. He looks back and signs at Steven again. I also don't like them as much. I have enough trouble with tone as is without you cursing at me.

"I wasn't just asking because of that," Steven says, his face heating up. "I mean, okay, it does, but also-- maybe I'd like to be able to get away with doing the same thing? I mean, it's really not an American thing, as you might have guessed, but it's sort of a me thing. I just know better than to say them out loud most of the time, because people would think I meant them in a non-affectionate way. But there's a reason I call my boyfriend an 'egotist' all the time in private."

But then he sighs. "But. Yeah, no, I get why it wouldn't work for you. It's got a lot to do with tone of voice, doesn't it, and I know that doesn't carry over to text and probably not sign either."

It's also something of a... He hesitates for a moment, before he spells out, cultural clash? It's not a thing you really ask for, it's just a thing that happens when an Australian adopts you. Like name signs.

He makes a face, but only a minor one. You know I'm not a standard Aussie by any means, and I'm going to be even less of one if I'm the only one around, because we know we're weird and I have to explain enough about my life as is. It's not a go at you.

"Right," Steven says, still a touch awkward. "No, no, I get it. I didn't mean to make it a big thing or anything. I just. I don't know. I thought it was nice when he did it, that's all. Even if it was about my future self and not this me. It was— just nice to know that some people do that. I guess. Fuck, I'm saying this all wrong."

After a moment he adds, "And it doesn't mean I liked my future self's best friend more than I like you. Because I don't. He was a cool guy, but you're my person and he wasn't yet." He frowns. "That sounded weirdly possessive, didn't it."

Tyler huffs and grins lightly. It did. But it was a better flavour of it than usual.

Teller moves past him, Mesmer sitting on his shoulders now, and opens the door. So which way is your office? Tyler adds, walking into the main building.

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cw: AUSTRALIAN LANGUAGE

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