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[asmywitness]

[[Tyler screens his calls - anyone who tries to actually call him, he'll text back in reply.]]

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[fingersandteeth]

It's a while before the reply comes back, while Steven loses himself in prepping the berries because he feels like utter shit right now and it's all of it deserved.

No.

You're right.

I... was going to say that I don't know what's wrong with me, but I do. Just. Not what's wrong with me in this specific context.

I. Don't know how well I'm going to do at this. And maybe I should stick to texting to you where I can actually *see* you, because it's easier not to slip into bad habits that way.

I *do* want to not be such an asshole about this. I'm going to try as hard as *hell* not to.

Can I ask you to tell me when I am being that asshole in case I don't catch it?

Just. I don't know. Think of me as if I were (a monster, he thinks, before typing,) an alien who's gotten really good at faking being a human... but doesn't know how to act when he's not pretending to be a human. And who *is* trying not to pretend anymore, because he's in a place where it might be okay to be a little bit of an alien and he owes it to the people he's placed his trust in to be more honest with them, but the only practice he's ever had at not hiding that he's an alien has been with one single person who he's known since she was born.

Because. That's basically what's going on. More or less.

I don't, actually, want to be this kind of dick, Tyler. But I am fucked if I know how to be honest in any other way. I am going to *try*. Just... please tell me when I'm fucking up. Like, right away. I think I can trust you not to mince words with me.

[asmywitness]

Steven has so many more issues than Tyler knows how to handle. Normally he didn't give a shit about other people's mental health, outside of his own. But here it was being unloaded on him.

As much as he's annoyed at Steven's general disrespect, he can begrudgingly admit that admitting all of that was a big thing.

All of this frank as shit dialogue between us and you think I'll put a filter on it now? That's cute.

But seriously.

I can try and help smack you when you're being particularly incorrigible, but this is gonna have to be a lot of self-policing. I'm not your psych, but I'm willing to try and help nudge you in, like. A direction that's better than 'coddle the shit out of everyone'.

[fingersandteeth]

Honestly, the last time I had one was when I was eight. And it was grief counseling and not... this.

I can do self-policing when I know what to watch for. I might still fuck up, but. If there's one thing I know how to do, it's police myself.

I just. Need to know what to watch for. Which I obviously did not.

[asmywitness]

If I see you doing it on the network, I'll hijack whatever and ping you. I can't do anything about it in real time, obviously, but. I don't know, maybe that much alone will help a bit. Just make you more self-aware.

[fingersandteeth]

Yeah.

Thanks. I really do owe you. I've been kind of a shitty... coworker lately.