Tyler Tian Huang | 黄泰勒田 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
asmywitness) wrote2020-03-03 05:40 pm
asmywitness) wrote2020-03-03 05:40 pm
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[[Tyler screens his calls - anyone who tries to actually call him, he'll text back in reply.]]
[Worth a try. Somewhere there's less bittersweet sentiment, then.]
There's a cafe towards the northern end of Goldenrod that I haven't personally visited, the Houndoom Roast.
There's a cafe towards the northern end of Goldenrod that I haven't personally visited, the Houndoom Roast.
Of course.
[And in truth, he gets there a bit under ten minutes later. He doesn't know when Solus will get there but he's at least hoping he can order a drink and find a quiet corner for this to happen before then.]
[And in truth, he gets there a bit under ten minutes later. He doesn't know when Solus will get there but he's at least hoping he can order a drink and find a quiet corner for this to happen before then.]
Tyler? Are you all right with talking to me yet, or do you need me to wait another day?
Edited 2020-07-27 11:57 (UTC)
You were right. Congratulations.
[There's a long pause - several minutes - before the next reply follows.]
I'm not.
Mad at you.
I'm just tired.
[There's a long pause - several minutes - before the next reply follows.]
I'm not.
Mad at you.
I'm just tired.
I don't feel good about being right.
*I* feel tired.
You know that I was trying to protect you when I stopped you, right? After what happened to me?
And now I have the gratitude of a man I hate, whose grave I would gladly spit on.
It's enough to get him to agree to a written ceasefire truce between us all, though. If you'd want to be part of that.
*I* feel tired.
You know that I was trying to protect you when I stopped you, right? After what happened to me?
And now I have the gratitude of a man I hate, whose grave I would gladly spit on.
It's enough to get him to agree to a written ceasefire truce between us all, though. If you'd want to be part of that.
Edited 2020-07-27 13:02 (UTC)
Welp. It looks like we're now a freehold of three.
I don't know if you've heard about the screaming weirdo in his underwear yet, but guess who was on his way to turn in his quota when our newest coworker woke up in a strange place and immediately proceeded to panic?
I don't know if you've heard about the screaming weirdo in his underwear yet, but guess who was on his way to turn in his quota when our newest coworker woke up in a strange place and immediately proceeded to panic?
Are you fucking serious? Oh my god.
[He's laughing don't worry.]
Isis heard people mention it in passing but I didn't care, oh my god. That poor bastard.
[He's laughing don't worry.]
Isis heard people mention it in passing but I didn't care, oh my god. That poor bastard.
Serious as fuck, Steven assures him. His name is Jules, he's a Lurkglider— [he has to fingerspell that one] —and he was second-in-command of the Winter Court of the Houston Freehold. Somehow. He must have hidden depths.
Tyler looks disbelieving, but deeply amused when he picks up the call.
Maybe there's a working brain under all the screaming. You never know. Darklings are pretty clever, usually, so who knows. Not as much as Wizened, he adds with no small amount of smugness, but they're up there.
Maybe there's a working brain under all the screaming. You never know. Darklings are pretty clever, usually, so who knows. Not as much as Wizened, he adds with no small amount of smugness, but they're up there.
Hah. Hah. We out-number you two to one now, you know, Steven signs back. Even if you're technically in charge until late September.
All we need is a Spring courtier and we've got a whole personal Kingdom, he smirks. I reserve the right to throw a coup if all Jules does is scream, mind you. Just because I can't hear it doesn't mean I don't think it's annoying too. My reasoning is just different.
I'm definitely glad I switched over the weird weekend, Steven says, thoughtfully. I mean not only so Jules and I don't have to fight over the crown, but because it does feel more right to be in my proper season. It's funny. Despite them taking us in, of the group I escaped with, I think the only natural Winter was Kelly. Maybe Abner. I don't know. I think he could go either way, Autumn or Winter. I— should have asked my future friend more about how the others were doing in the future. I don't know why I didn't.
Edited 2020-07-28 05:25 (UTC)
[Tyler isn't left waiting too long. After all, Solus wishes to get this settled as soon as possible. It is enough time for Tyler to order his drink and settle in a corner. However, Solus does not worry himself with a drink. Dressed in a black waistcoat, a white button up, his usual gloves, and a pair of fitted black trousers and his usual knee-high boots, he looks every bit of serious as he is.
It's almost funny how good of a figure he can cut when he isn't drowning himself in his excessive layers, but that hardly matters here and now.
His expression is hard to read, mainly because it's very business-like. Flat and serious. Even as he approaches Tyler, his expression does not change, does not show the anger bubbling beneath the surface. Even has he pulls his chair out, and takes a seat. It isn't till then, and only then, that he even seems to acknowledge Tyler, besides the fact he clearly was joining him at the table.
With their eyes meeting, he signs in his typical fashion—languid, flamboyant. Perhaps a good sign?]
Greetings, Tyler. Thank you for agreeing to meeting with me at all. You could have refused, yet you did not. I believe this is as favorable a start as we could hope for.
It's almost funny how good of a figure he can cut when he isn't drowning himself in his excessive layers, but that hardly matters here and now.
His expression is hard to read, mainly because it's very business-like. Flat and serious. Even as he approaches Tyler, his expression does not change, does not show the anger bubbling beneath the surface. Even has he pulls his chair out, and takes a seat. It isn't till then, and only then, that he even seems to acknowledge Tyler, besides the fact he clearly was joining him at the table.
With their eyes meeting, he signs in his typical fashion—languid, flamboyant. Perhaps a good sign?]
Greetings, Tyler. Thank you for agreeing to meeting with me at all. You could have refused, yet you did not. I believe this is as favorable a start as we could hope for.
[Isis is with him, of course, but the small bird is off on her own separate corner of the table on Tyler's side, sitting in a saucer and eating her own little cookie. She's quite content where she is, but she still side-eyes Solus when he sits down, and her feathers fluff just a little.
(And across the restaurant, resting casually in a Pokemon-cordoned zone, Allure the Alazakam is keeping an eye on things as well, just in case. Lydia insisted, and it was all Tyler could do to limit it to one.)
Tyler, on the other hand, adjusts so he's sitting upright and proper; perhaps a little stiffly, but you can hardly blame him. Emet's general attitude as he approaches does nothing to instil Tyler with the confidence that he's not in egregious trouble still.
He doesn't look quite as tired now, with a strong coffee in him, but his movements are still lacking energy; and while he's wearing long sleeves, there's no mistaking the care he takes with his injury, nor the ugly red blotching on his hand where he's removed the bandages, that are still partially visible under his shirt cuff.]
If you're going to punish me then I only ask you at least get it over with quickly.
(And across the restaurant, resting casually in a Pokemon-cordoned zone, Allure the Alazakam is keeping an eye on things as well, just in case. Lydia insisted, and it was all Tyler could do to limit it to one.)
Tyler, on the other hand, adjusts so he's sitting upright and proper; perhaps a little stiffly, but you can hardly blame him. Emet's general attitude as he approaches does nothing to instil Tyler with the confidence that he's not in egregious trouble still.
He doesn't look quite as tired now, with a strong coffee in him, but his movements are still lacking energy; and while he's wearing long sleeves, there's no mistaking the care he takes with his injury, nor the ugly red blotching on his hand where he's removed the bandages, that are still partially visible under his shirt cuff.]
If you're going to punish me then I only ask you at least get it over with quickly.
Edited 2020-07-27 18:57 (UTC)
[Solus certainly recognized Allure, he had seen the Pokémon before, and his flawless memory extended to even recognizing creatures. Little does that put him at ease, but he's also not entirely worried. Negotiations of sorts have gone well between himself and Tyler before, and he hopes the same could be said for this interaction. Likewise, he is not alone, though his company is far from visible.
It would be foolish to go into this without precautions, after all. As much as he'd like to have faith in Tyler, that faith has been thoroughly shaken.]
Punish you? [He begins, his eyebrows lifting ever so slightly.] Nay, I wish to speak with you. To understand. Look, I had considered it, greatly I did, but that would be no different than what Steven had done to me. And what good has that brought any of us, really. I would be fairly hypocritical if I allowed myself to lash out without proper thought, without a proper course. Would we not merely be perpetuating the same misery and mistakes that got us into this mess?
Nay. I wish only to have a conversation, to see if we cannot reach some measure of understanding, properly civil accountability, and by the end of this we may find ourselves pleasantly surprised by what our efforts bring to fruition.
[He pauses a moment, and then adds:]
...it would be a lie to say this state of calm was of my own doing—you do have Steven and Hythlodaeus—[He finger spells the name, having not gotten into the habit of making sign-names.] —to thank for it. They both fought for me to show you mercy. And for it, they allowed me clarity.
It would be foolish to go into this without precautions, after all. As much as he'd like to have faith in Tyler, that faith has been thoroughly shaken.]
Punish you? [He begins, his eyebrows lifting ever so slightly.] Nay, I wish to speak with you. To understand. Look, I had considered it, greatly I did, but that would be no different than what Steven had done to me. And what good has that brought any of us, really. I would be fairly hypocritical if I allowed myself to lash out without proper thought, without a proper course. Would we not merely be perpetuating the same misery and mistakes that got us into this mess?
Nay. I wish only to have a conversation, to see if we cannot reach some measure of understanding, properly civil accountability, and by the end of this we may find ourselves pleasantly surprised by what our efforts bring to fruition.
[He pauses a moment, and then adds:]
...it would be a lie to say this state of calm was of my own doing—you do have Steven and Hythlodaeus—[He finger spells the name, having not gotten into the habit of making sign-names.] —to thank for it. They both fought for me to show you mercy. And for it, they allowed me clarity.
[There's a sense of resignation to the notion that Solus was considering it. That Steven defended him isn't as full a surprise as it could be, but Hythlodaeus doing so, is, and his eyes widen a little at that announcement.
...he supposes he shouldn't waste the opportunity he's been given, then.]
After the weird weekend, I had Hythlodaeus set in my mind the same way I did you after our more disastrous encounter. I'd planned on leaving well enough alone until he messaged me asking for information on Steven. Matters of little consequence, until he alluded to the fact he knew I was a Rocket, directly because of Steven.
[He takes a deep breath and tries not to chew on his lips as anxiety bloats in his stomach like ice.]
I refused to talk further about it unless it was in person, so as not to incriminate either of us, but. Knowing that he knew who several members of the team makes him... I believed it made him a liability. I know the police are a joke here but I don't trust Hythlodaeus to not reveal a name in a fit of pique to another trainer, and they're far less inhibited. Especially with that hero group forming. [He adds that last bit with a faint sneer, brief as the expression is.]
...I offered to let him pick the place, and he chose at his usual meeting with Steven. Steven knew nothing of my plans, nor I his to recruit Hythlodaeus. When I arrived and attempted to make good on mine - to alter Hythlodaeus's memory, just enough so he would forget any names Steven may have mentioned, find it difficult to make the intuitive link between Team Rocket and its actual members - Steven intervened and stopped me before anything worse was able to be done than just hypnotising Hythlodaeus.
[Isis turns her gaze briefly from Solus to Tyler, as he pushes his sleeve back a little to make the bandages and burn more obvious for a moment, before he continues.] In my ire at Steven, I was careless and scalded myself. I don't have full clarity of Hythlodaeus's actions in the moments after, but when he approached me, I... [His breath quavers quietly as he inhales, lets its out slowly through his mouth. He feels sick, having to admit this to Solus.] ...panicked. I... couldn't help but see him as something else, and I lashed out. There was no true intent to harm there, just. A need to reclaim space, agency. We both left immediately after, and I've not communicated with him nor Steven since.
...he supposes he shouldn't waste the opportunity he's been given, then.]
After the weird weekend, I had Hythlodaeus set in my mind the same way I did you after our more disastrous encounter. I'd planned on leaving well enough alone until he messaged me asking for information on Steven. Matters of little consequence, until he alluded to the fact he knew I was a Rocket, directly because of Steven.
[He takes a deep breath and tries not to chew on his lips as anxiety bloats in his stomach like ice.]
I refused to talk further about it unless it was in person, so as not to incriminate either of us, but. Knowing that he knew who several members of the team makes him... I believed it made him a liability. I know the police are a joke here but I don't trust Hythlodaeus to not reveal a name in a fit of pique to another trainer, and they're far less inhibited. Especially with that hero group forming. [He adds that last bit with a faint sneer, brief as the expression is.]
...I offered to let him pick the place, and he chose at his usual meeting with Steven. Steven knew nothing of my plans, nor I his to recruit Hythlodaeus. When I arrived and attempted to make good on mine - to alter Hythlodaeus's memory, just enough so he would forget any names Steven may have mentioned, find it difficult to make the intuitive link between Team Rocket and its actual members - Steven intervened and stopped me before anything worse was able to be done than just hypnotising Hythlodaeus.
[Isis turns her gaze briefly from Solus to Tyler, as he pushes his sleeve back a little to make the bandages and burn more obvious for a moment, before he continues.] In my ire at Steven, I was careless and scalded myself. I don't have full clarity of Hythlodaeus's actions in the moments after, but when he approached me, I... [His breath quavers quietly as he inhales, lets its out slowly through his mouth. He feels sick, having to admit this to Solus.] ...panicked. I... couldn't help but see him as something else, and I lashed out. There was no true intent to harm there, just. A need to reclaim space, agency. We both left immediately after, and I've not communicated with him nor Steven since.
Edited 2020-07-27 21:10 (UTC)
[He watches him keenly—unnervingly so. Taking in every detail, every shift in expression, how even Tyler's hand might falter or he may wince from the pain of his burn. As he said he would, he listens to his side, trying to keep any anger or emotion it all might inspire in check. Of course there's indignation at the idea that Hythlodaeus could be some sort of danger—but he also knows that mortals spook easily, and Hythlodaeus has quite the large mouth when it comes to sensitive information.
After all, that's how Steven learned of his name.
As Tyler continues, Solus folds his hands in front of him, resting them on the table. The way he watches him is not unlike a cat would its prey—little is he meaning to come across so threateningly, but it's about all he can do to keep himself in check. However, he noticeably relaxes, or at least looks less stiff towards the end of the explanation. That Tyler would choose to be vulnerable and honest, to name his fault in this despite how humiliating it might be.
That? That restores some of his confidence in Tyler.
When he finally unfolds his hands, his expression looks softer, less stern, but pointedly serious. As he signs, his motions reflect this, nothing quick, nothing sharp. If anything, it would give the impression of something almost gentle.]
What happened between the two of you during the Weird Weekend? Hythlodaeus had mentioned his unease around Isis—and while I know well what she is capable of, I fear the worst for why he is wary.
After all, that's how Steven learned of his name.
As Tyler continues, Solus folds his hands in front of him, resting them on the table. The way he watches him is not unlike a cat would its prey—little is he meaning to come across so threateningly, but it's about all he can do to keep himself in check. However, he noticeably relaxes, or at least looks less stiff towards the end of the explanation. That Tyler would choose to be vulnerable and honest, to name his fault in this despite how humiliating it might be.
That? That restores some of his confidence in Tyler.
When he finally unfolds his hands, his expression looks softer, less stern, but pointedly serious. As he signs, his motions reflect this, nothing quick, nothing sharp. If anything, it would give the impression of something almost gentle.]
What happened between the two of you during the Weird Weekend? Hythlodaeus had mentioned his unease around Isis—and while I know well what she is capable of, I fear the worst for why he is wary.
[There's still a rather unhealthy amount of shame radiating off of Tyler, that doesn't really reduce when Solus asks his question.]
We encountered each other during the weekend, and his true form caused me to have a flashback... [wait, does Solus know what that is] I-- my mind sent itself back to the only other time I'd encountered a being similar to how he presented, my Keeper. I relived some of the trauma I experienced under him.
[It's not Hythlodaeus's fault, and he's trying not to frame it as such. It's difficult.]
Hythlodaeus tried speaking with me, as you said your people are able, and laid a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to force calm onto me. [It's hard to convey bitterness in motion but he's honestly not trying; he's not emoting much of anything, in fact.] Both of which just served to harm me further. I... believe Hythlodaeus transformed at that point, into a Natu. Isis took a stand in my defence at that point and started attacking him with intent to kill, but I managed to call her off, and left the situation.
We encountered each other during the weekend, and his true form caused me to have a flashback... [wait, does Solus know what that is] I-- my mind sent itself back to the only other time I'd encountered a being similar to how he presented, my Keeper. I relived some of the trauma I experienced under him.
[It's not Hythlodaeus's fault, and he's trying not to frame it as such. It's difficult.]
Hythlodaeus tried speaking with me, as you said your people are able, and laid a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to force calm onto me. [It's hard to convey bitterness in motion but he's honestly not trying; he's not emoting much of anything, in fact.] Both of which just served to harm me further. I... believe Hythlodaeus transformed at that point, into a Natu. Isis took a stand in my defence at that point and started attacking him with intent to kill, but I managed to call her off, and left the situation.
His smile fades a little, but his face turns wistful rather than upset.
Mai was Spring. I thought she was pretty good at it, too. She probably would have gone for a court title someday, I think.
Mai was Spring. I thought she was pretty good at it, too. She probably would have gone for a court title someday, I think.
[There's a lot going through Solus' head as he takes in the tale of what happened. One part of it is anguish for his friend, another is hurt that Hythlodaeus would keep this from him, and the third is anger. However, all that presents on his features is disappointment. His gaze flicking from Tyler to the bird beside him, and for a moment he considers grabbing the creature and squeezing the life out of it.
Though, he's well aware he cannot do so. That the creatures here are far more powerful than the mortal limits put on him and the others. So, instead, his grimly dismayed expression is about all that shows of the emotions regarding that. He does not blame Tyler, after all, by his claim he called her off. He knows well how fright can stun a man, how the residual effects of tragedy can strangle the mind and body both.
Such reactions have long since been tapped out in him. No longer does he feel those fear responses when in the face of his own rekindled trauma. The emotions are still there, he has merely learned to continue despite the fear and the pain. Despite the linger torment. A skill learned from eons of suffering—something mortals are not capable of.
A limitation of their ephemeral existence.
Finally, he looks back to Tyler, his jaw tight. It is rather good they are signing for this conversation, or else that and the lump in his throat might prove troublesome to continue this conversation.]
I see. [Is all he signs for a moment. There's an obvious pause as he collects his thoughts. Reviews the information again in his head, and then continues.] And so, by now I am sure you have come to realize that you are more a threat to Hythlodaeus, than he is to you, correct? I will not claim that he is not odd, oft his eccentricities have roused my ire and exasperation, but you must realize by now with all the evidence laid before you, he is not a threat.
Well do I know the damage suffered from the past can taint our perceptions, they can likewise make us into bumbling fools. But we truly embrace ourselves as these fools when we believe the warped perception of reality in light of the evidence that proves otherwise. Our likeness to your past tormentor is...regrettable, but we are not them. Hythlodaeus the least of all.
He has never claimed a life, he has scarce harmed another living creature. The man gets sick at the thought of eating another living being. He is a pacifist, and you would let your fear rob you of your senses before a man far more gentle than any mortal could ever be!
[He stops, realizing his signing was getting more exaggerated, the whipping and speed of his hands radiating his aggression and frustration. And so he stops. Takes a moment to suck in a breath, holds it for a moment, then breathes it out. Like an emotional soft reset. The disappointment eases from his expression, and he offers Tyler a tired neutral expression instead.]
What I mean to say is thus: whether you will it or no, the fear that has made its home in your bosom commands you. It will grow, it will fester, it will torment you. Slowly, it will rot away your morals, your sense of self, your bonds. It will consume and annihilate your very existence, till you are naught but a shell of the man you once were. Living in naught but pain and cause naught but it in kind.
You must needs ascertain command of yourself, lest you perpetuate the very cycle of suffering that has brought you so low. I will stay any and all retribution for the sins you have committed against me and mine. A mercy you may not be worthy of otherwise—but I have grown fond of you, despite myself. And as such, I expect only the best for and of you.
All I ask is that you seek the path to mend your broken heart, ere it leads to the breaking of others. You have already done so to Hythlodaeus. Make certain you do not do so again to those so utterly undeserving.
Though, he's well aware he cannot do so. That the creatures here are far more powerful than the mortal limits put on him and the others. So, instead, his grimly dismayed expression is about all that shows of the emotions regarding that. He does not blame Tyler, after all, by his claim he called her off. He knows well how fright can stun a man, how the residual effects of tragedy can strangle the mind and body both.
Such reactions have long since been tapped out in him. No longer does he feel those fear responses when in the face of his own rekindled trauma. The emotions are still there, he has merely learned to continue despite the fear and the pain. Despite the linger torment. A skill learned from eons of suffering—something mortals are not capable of.
A limitation of their ephemeral existence.
Finally, he looks back to Tyler, his jaw tight. It is rather good they are signing for this conversation, or else that and the lump in his throat might prove troublesome to continue this conversation.]
I see. [Is all he signs for a moment. There's an obvious pause as he collects his thoughts. Reviews the information again in his head, and then continues.] And so, by now I am sure you have come to realize that you are more a threat to Hythlodaeus, than he is to you, correct? I will not claim that he is not odd, oft his eccentricities have roused my ire and exasperation, but you must realize by now with all the evidence laid before you, he is not a threat.
Well do I know the damage suffered from the past can taint our perceptions, they can likewise make us into bumbling fools. But we truly embrace ourselves as these fools when we believe the warped perception of reality in light of the evidence that proves otherwise. Our likeness to your past tormentor is...regrettable, but we are not them. Hythlodaeus the least of all.
He has never claimed a life, he has scarce harmed another living creature. The man gets sick at the thought of eating another living being. He is a pacifist, and you would let your fear rob you of your senses before a man far more gentle than any mortal could ever be!
[He stops, realizing his signing was getting more exaggerated, the whipping and speed of his hands radiating his aggression and frustration. And so he stops. Takes a moment to suck in a breath, holds it for a moment, then breathes it out. Like an emotional soft reset. The disappointment eases from his expression, and he offers Tyler a tired neutral expression instead.]
What I mean to say is thus: whether you will it or no, the fear that has made its home in your bosom commands you. It will grow, it will fester, it will torment you. Slowly, it will rot away your morals, your sense of self, your bonds. It will consume and annihilate your very existence, till you are naught but a shell of the man you once were. Living in naught but pain and cause naught but it in kind.
You must needs ascertain command of yourself, lest you perpetuate the very cycle of suffering that has brought you so low. I will stay any and all retribution for the sins you have committed against me and mine. A mercy you may not be worthy of otherwise—but I have grown fond of you, despite myself. And as such, I expect only the best for and of you.
All I ask is that you seek the path to mend your broken heart, ere it leads to the breaking of others. You have already done so to Hythlodaeus. Make certain you do not do so again to those so utterly undeserving.
Edited 2020-07-28 06:10 (UTC)
Polly--the one who'd picked me up and carried for the first hour, when I told them I didn't deserve to escape with them--she'd planned on pledging Spring next time we went to the freehold. I think Lycus was going to too. He probably wouldn't have gone for a title, though, even if Polly might. He wasn't the type. And Petra had already gone Summer before I left. She wanted to have it done with before the season turned.
What about you? Steven signs. Do you think you would have wanted a court title?
What about you? Steven signs. Do you think you would have wanted a court title?
[Isis hunkers down in response to the glare Solus sends her, her eyes narrowing with the same open wrath she can sense in him, but she doesn't move from her saucer.
Tyler keeps watching Solus talk, letting him say his piece, but every string of movement is another punch to the gut with how the man's speed is increasing, his aggression growing more visible with every move. By the time Solus stops himself, and takes pause, Tyler is only still sitting upright and watching him through sheer force of will, because he wants to just curl up and die. There's a sense of safety, really, in that Solus is letting himself be visibly angry about it - that's not a luxury his Keeper ever gave him - but that doesn't necessarily make it that much easier to handle.
The rest of what he has to say is... true. It is, and as much as he hates it, he knows it is. And it just makes him ache further, enough that his careful poise slips for a moment when he looks away after Solus is done speaking. He is tired, he is still sore, he hates everything about this, and he doesn't have the energy or presence of mind to properly control the utter loathing that slips lightly onto his face - but he's not pointing it at Solus, instead staring somewhat blankly down at his own hands as he signs.
He almost prefers the idea that Solus would punish him, rather than this gracious pity.]
You have too much faith in me. Some things are beyond fixing and I've been one of them for some months, since well before arriving here. I was content with not seeking out Hythlodaeus before, but rest assured I won't be doing so again now. [And a small smile twitches onto his face, a bitter thing as that loathing continues to stab deeper within himself.] You're correct about my heart, as you are most things, but I have no confidence there's anything left to repair. I'm as rich a monster as any I've ever written and would the will of this place allow it you'd not see more of me again.
Tyler keeps watching Solus talk, letting him say his piece, but every string of movement is another punch to the gut with how the man's speed is increasing, his aggression growing more visible with every move. By the time Solus stops himself, and takes pause, Tyler is only still sitting upright and watching him through sheer force of will, because he wants to just curl up and die. There's a sense of safety, really, in that Solus is letting himself be visibly angry about it - that's not a luxury his Keeper ever gave him - but that doesn't necessarily make it that much easier to handle.
The rest of what he has to say is... true. It is, and as much as he hates it, he knows it is. And it just makes him ache further, enough that his careful poise slips for a moment when he looks away after Solus is done speaking. He is tired, he is still sore, he hates everything about this, and he doesn't have the energy or presence of mind to properly control the utter loathing that slips lightly onto his face - but he's not pointing it at Solus, instead staring somewhat blankly down at his own hands as he signs.
He almost prefers the idea that Solus would punish him, rather than this gracious pity.]
You have too much faith in me. Some things are beyond fixing and I've been one of them for some months, since well before arriving here. I was content with not seeking out Hythlodaeus before, but rest assured I won't be doing so again now. [And a small smile twitches onto his face, a bitter thing as that loathing continues to stab deeper within himself.] You're correct about my heart, as you are most things, but I have no confidence there's anything left to repair. I'm as rich a monster as any I've ever written and would the will of this place allow it you'd not see more of me again.
He waggles one hand. Not sign, just a general kind of 'eh' motion, coupled with a thoughtful look.
I don't think court drama's my thing. I was studying a masters of publishing at uni, I'd been hoping to become a fiction publisher.
I don't think court drama's my thing. I was studying a masters of publishing at uni, I'd been hoping to become a fiction publisher.
Steven nods. So you'd have still tried to do that, only with help from the Freehold. His hands still for a moment before he says, I wasn't interested in most of Winter's titles. I mean, they were going to let me play DJ Oztal on Radio Free Fae before I left, despite having shit all for a Winter Mantle. But that's-- sort of a joint thing. There's no one Oztal because we're all Oztal. It's like a role in a play. I'm not sure how much it would have counted. Especially since it was on the strength of my voice work and not my dedication to winter.
I got-- not exactly into court drama in those two months between Arcadia and here, but I did hang around the freehold a lot. We were all doing day labor while we waited for Fantomas--that's the court name of the guy who did fake papers for the court, I don't know his real one--to get back from Louisiana. Because, you know, that was the only thing we could get without legal identities and I was-- hesitant to do what was necessary to take mine back. Because Winter frowns on killing your fetch and I was still kind of conflicted about doing that kind of shit.
But being someone's illegal gardener more taxing on your body than your mind and so a lot of the time if I had any spell slots whatsoever, I'd take my ass to the Freehold and just... sit around and absorb shit. I learned a lot of oneiromancy that way. Pledgecrafting too. And about the local court structure. And Contracts and--
Fuck. They were probably laying bets on when I'd finally go Autumn, weren't they?
I got-- not exactly into court drama in those two months between Arcadia and here, but I did hang around the freehold a lot. We were all doing day labor while we waited for Fantomas--that's the court name of the guy who did fake papers for the court, I don't know his real one--to get back from Louisiana. Because, you know, that was the only thing we could get without legal identities and I was-- hesitant to do what was necessary to take mine back. Because Winter frowns on killing your fetch and I was still kind of conflicted about doing that kind of shit.
But being someone's illegal gardener more taxing on your body than your mind and so a lot of the time if I had any spell slots whatsoever, I'd take my ass to the Freehold and just... sit around and absorb shit. I learned a lot of oneiromancy that way. Pledgecrafting too. And about the local court structure. And Contracts and--
Fuck. They were probably laying bets on when I'd finally go Autumn, weren't they?
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