asmywitness | IC Inbox

You're right I'm not but Jack is BUSY building a giant robot with DIRK STRIDER and we are on CRIME SHUTDOWN and I was going out of my mind

So, to clarify.

Because you couldn't do crimes, or fuck your boyfriend, you got [high/drunk/third option] and decided to kinkshame Dirk Strider at me.

Yes

Yes I did

Because he tried to kinkshame Jack when he's a goddamn virgin who makes puppet snuff

He's glad Steven can't see him rubbing his face. With both hands.

Alright. I have learned more about Dirk in five minutes than I think he was ever going to tell me.

That's not a condemnation of Dirk, he's pretty sure Dirk is just Like That. He's just.

Alright, this sure is fucking happening.

You're welcome

Anyway it's fine if I got high it's not illegal here and I'm sure Jack will understand me raiding his stash since I only took a little

...

Literally I do not care if it's legal or not here, I'm more concerned that you stole his shit.

He would much rather talk about this than puppet snuff.

Only a little!

We live together it would be like him getting mad I had a drink while he was gone or something like that or like ate his ice cream

Besides I might still be stoned when he gets home and he likes me high

Clearly he enjoys your tact and reticence like this.

It's because high me is a bitch and sober me is compulsively nice

...and evidently unable to detect sarcasm.

You ARE quite passive aggressive when you're sober. I can see how having no walls would make that worse.

He detected it. He just didn't care enough to acknowledge it.

He actually demolished them a while ago but somehow the compulsive niceness stayed a thing anyway

Well, this sure keeps on happening.

He just lies back on his bed, and feels Isis get comfortable on his head.

You've spent forty fucking years as a Nice Guy TM and what, a month knowing your fuckguy? Habits don't change easily, I thought you knew that already.

Okay I am not a Nice Guy TM I don't think girls owe me sex for basic friend gestures I don't even like sex with girls I tried once nothing happened

Also I'm not actually THAT OLD yet

Jesus Tyler how old do you think I am???

Clearly not old enough to feel the need to avoid gossiping about your coworkers' sex lives.

Dirk deserves it

Also if I complain about his stupidity enough to other people maybe someone else will educate him about his frankly regressive and heterocentric views of sex roles/positions and what they imply about people because I am so goddamn tired of his bullshit but someone needs to

...yeah he regrets bringing it back around to that.

I mean, he hasn't talked about his sex life or lack thereof with me yet, so I'm going entirely by your word here.

He may or may not tell Dirk later. Just so they're on the same page about what Tyler now knows.

Also I feel like that's a lot of hot air coming from you when we're from the same heterocentric and regressive world when it comes to sexual expression and relationships et cetera.

Yeah but I don't go around acting like switches don't exist or spewing bullshit about alpha full-featured tops or implying that being fucked is a weakness

I disinvited him to brunch over that shit

He must have been devastated. Clearly that was the cruellest possible of all punishments.

Can you see the absolutely flat movements of Tyler's hands in your mind's eye, Steven. Because that sure is his fucking tone.

I'm not saying you're wrong on general principles, but you were right about how you're a total bitch.

You see!!!

High me is such a bitch but because everyone just knows sober me they think I'm such a nice man

I have been literally told I am too nice to date my boyfriend by his actual goddamn child

All of your relationship/sexual bullshit is well above my pay grade, I hope you realise.

Maybe he should ask Steven to get him some of that shit later.

I don't know what you want me to do about this besides give you permission to be an asshole as yourself.

It's not that easy anyway

Like I already got that permission and I still default to nice when sober

About the only time I don't is when I'm doing crime and I can't do that anymore because we did too much

Technically we only did it the once, and it turned out to have a bigger ripple effect than we anticipated. Which, really, shouldn't have actually surprised us when we vanished a major public figure.

You know, I'm surprised you're still all prissy and stuck-up after your Durance. Mine made me way more bitter.

Yeah well typical Wizened

Anyway it's not like I needed the Durance to teach me how to hide myself I was practically a Darkling before I was a Darkling

Tyler scowls at his screen.

At least Wizened acknowledge that our existence is shit. Darklings just hide from everything and act confused when things don't go how they wanted.

Sometimes the only goddamn thing you can DO is hide

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asmywitness - 2020-03-18 12:25 (UTC) - Expand

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fingersandteeth - 2020-03-18 12:29 (UTC) - Expand