asmywitness | IC Inbox

You know what?

I don't give a flying fuck. That pendejo fucking cornered me and cut off my exits to force me to talk to him yesterday. I fucking *left town* for the rest of the week last week so I wouldn't have to be in his presence again while he was still there for mandatory training and now he says he's going to fucking come back to Goldenrod to *work*.

I know he's basically a Keeper stuffed into human form. I *know*. That's fucking *why* I've been taking care to be so fucking innocuous in his presence. But since he can't fucking forgive me for suggesting that he might be subject to the same problems as everyone else, he is obviously going to be going out of his way to fucking bully and torment me until I crack.

I can't do a fucking lot against that fuckshit. But I was a *damn* fine Dreamwalker back home. I can Forge the Dream. I can call a Phantasmal Bastion. If he's going to torment me in real life, then the first chance I get, I'm going to do the same damn thing while the asshole sleeps. And maybe it'll keep me from snapping next time he does this in a public place and getting hauled away by the Jennies for attempted homicide.

I'm going to use oneiromancy against Solus no matter what, Tyler. It's the best fucking tool I have to get my own back. You don't have to help me. I'm still going to do it. You helping me would just make it so I don't waste a lot of time trying to figure out *when* the bitch is asleep.

1. Please learn how to summarise. For fuck's sake.

2.

[Ugh. He doesn't want to admit it. But if Steven's apparently already made up his mind, he doubts he can do anything to dissuade him, so. Might as well be honest.]

I am intimately familiar with how insufferable he is.

When I was taking him to Ecruteak, he tried being physical with me. Put his hands on my waist when we got on Ox. And I know he realised it as well, that it made me uncomfortable. Because a little later he did it on purpose, tried leaning over me like

my Keeper used to.

It's why Isis tried to throw him off Ox, she knew it was upsetting me. She stopped translating him.

And yesterday he did the same thing at one of the tents, he was looming over me again and Isis tried attacking him, but his Murkrow pinned her down.

1. It's hard to summarize when you're barreling through a good rant but I'll keep that in mind.

2. What the fucking fuck.

The sick fuck actually laid hands on you. Motherfucker. And we have to *work* with this shitrag. Jesus fucking *Christ*.

Okay. Okay shit. I get why you're leery of provoking him. I do. I won't ask you to put the bitch to sleep for me. I'll just-- fuck. I'll just keep popping into dreams until I find his. But this is 1000% why I need to do this. Because the asshole shouldn't be allowed to pull this shit.

Jesus fucking Christ, I wish the admins weren't all but fucking useless.

It was barely even "laid hands", it was just. Getting a grip, for take-off. It just. Made me feel uncomfortable.

[Unsafe. In danger. Threatened.

One hand goes to pat Isis, nuzzling under his chin.]

I'm pretty sure that talecrafting doesn't lead back to me. Not directly, not like oneiromancy if he spots you. But if it goes badly, there's a steep price, and even for a Contract it feels.

Good. *Really* good, a thousand times better than harvesting.

If I do this for you, you owe me. I am *not* getting addicted to that shit for you without a fucking guarantee.

That's why I'd be using a Phantasmal Bastion. Hard to tell it's me if I'd hiding behind fancy-ass dream armor.

[He takes a deep breath. Really thinks about this.]

... I don't actually want you to get addicted. That-- is definitely not optimal. So. I don't want you to help me, then. I can do this on my own.

But I am going to do this. Knowing he did that to you only makes me more sure of it. Maybe it doesn't seem like a big thing to you, but it is a big thing to *me*.

You know why he's doing it, right? It's for the same reason our Keepers did *their* shit. He wants to fucking *crush* us. He wants to make us his bitches. He wants to break our wills for no other reason because he fucking can and that's how he gets his jollies.

And for that, he damn well *deserves* every bit of hell I am going to put him through.

Of everyone here, I think I might be the only person who can say with confidence what a Keeper fucking wants at any given time.

It's not about breaking wills or destroying us. That's incidental, it's secondary. When something as powerful as Them toys with something as fragile as us - yes, we got out, we were strong enough for that, but that's all we did - when something like that sees us as nothing more than playthings, or pets, there's going to be damage because they don't know *how* to treat us with kindness, or gentleness. If they did, we wouldn't be Changelings.

All they want is *entertainment*. Sometimes it's cruel, sometimes it's kind, sometimes it's. Perverted, or sexual, or morally reprehensible, but it's all just a show. Something for them to enjoy, because they're *bored*, and we're unpredictable.

[Tyler shifts to sit up, so he can catch his breath, still his thumping heart and stop his hands from shaking.]

I've written every kind of story imaginable for them, Steven. I remember all of them, I know every single twist, I am so intimately familiar with their capricious desires that it turned me into something that knows, *really knows* exactly how to think like them. Fairest are a Keeper's pretty faces but Wizened are their *minds* and that's why Solus fucking terrifies me. He knows how to use the last thing I have against me.

[Steven stares down at the screen for a long, long time.]

Fuck

I. Fuck. God, Tyler.

I'm so sorry.

I don't. I don't know what to do. Solus... we can't allow him to keep doing this to us. But I don't know how to make him stop without risking making him worse.

He terrifies me too. I just. I guess I cover it up a little with fury. And he does infuriate me, don't get me wrong, and part of what makes me so angry is how scared I am every time he gets near me, but

Fuck, Tyler, I don't know.

God, I'm so sorry you had to learn to think that way.

Leave him to me, okay? If one of us has to take his attention from the other, it should be me. I had the easier Durance. And honestly, I'm *naturally* a psychotic mess. We both know that. I pull the Nice Steven persona around me as a goddamn shield, but it's not--

It feels like it's barely holding up with Solus anyway.

I'm okay with sacrificing it to distract his attention. Might as well go the full psychopath with him. It'll be more *entertaining* after all and if he tries to expose it to the world, well. I'll live.

Most of the people who're actually important to me know, anyway, or probably at least suspect. I'll-- figure out how to deal with Connie knowing when it's time. Armin... well. As much as I dote on him, I've always known that someday he'll understand enough to rightly cast me off. I can be sad that it happened so soon, but.

Better that than... this.

It is what it is. I'm doing my best to stay out of his way, and you probably should too.

[It takes him a while to work out quite how to word it.]

Don't go destroying your facade over me, Steven. That's a huge thing for you, I know how long you've used it and how hard you try and keep things separate. You're better than being someone's fucking entertainment.

And I doubt it'll come to the others finding out. Or, like. I sincerely hope it doesn't. But if you ever get stuck with the kids over that, just. Let me know, yeah? Maybe I can try and help calm things down over it.

Edited 2020-05-28 14:36 (UTC)

Okay.

[He takes a deep breath. Lets it out slowly.]

If I thought it would keep him away from you permanently, it would be worth it. But... god, considering how he just decided to stalk us in Olivine, I don't know if it *would*. He's just so... Fuck. I don't even have words. He just casts such a fucking long shadow over *everything*, you know?

God. And except for him, everything's been going so *well*. Sure, I *didn't* make beta rank after Resort Gorgeous, but they more or less inferred that the main reason I didn't is that it's been too soon since I started with the company to promote me that far and they're probably right about that. They liked me enough to give me a multi-use Toxic TM instead, which I would have never asked for, but is absolutely fucking *perfect*.

And it's only been two days since I started in the newsroom but I'm finally not bored off my ass every day at work--I've finally got a *fulfilling* day job in my *field* and that was something I used to despair of ever seeing again. And they *love* me there. They really do. After I let them know I dual-majored in Journalism and Film/Television Production back in our world, they put me on compiling and writing the news reports the *actual* radio hosts read on the air and it's, god, it feels so *good* to listen to the radio news and hear them read the report I did. The chief of staff's *already* told me that I get my reports in faster than most.

And just. All of that would be good on its own, but I beat Morty (albeit barely) and I've got a plan for Chuck and I'm actually *getting* some warps and God, I even placed third at the contest yesterday! I don't even feel bad it was only third, because *everyone's* acts were really good and Rose Universe and Shadowmaru really *deserved* their places.

So. Like. Fuck. You're right. I've got some good shit going on, even with that asshole Solus deciding he has a bug up his ass about needling you and me. I shouldn't waste that.

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